My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Found the puke drawer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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