i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
