I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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