the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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