I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
