my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My dad is sitting where you rode me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
