Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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