is your mom at the bar?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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