My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
