guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
