i barfeds in our rink
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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