so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
