maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
