I am puke
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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