you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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