I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
