that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
