you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
