Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
