im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
