matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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