come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
