The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
