i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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