We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I faked an abortion last night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
