thus making me awesome and them whores
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
