I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
