We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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