Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
