you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
