I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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