I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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