i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
