he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I look better un-naked...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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