For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
