There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
