He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
And then he peed in my hair
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