yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
