what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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