im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
now i know why i became what i already was.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
