I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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