I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
