Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
