i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
