If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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