the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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