You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
