guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
