I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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