yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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