Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
