I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
