Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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