I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
